location: city hall

[assistanting]

[Everyone from your city hall's parks and recreation department has some Really Important Thing to do that isn't being in the office right now, leaving former-intern-now-paid-employee April Ludgate to handle all of your ridiculous complaints, questions, and concerns about the parks system in your city.

Joy.

Maybe no one will actually bother her in this entire block of time.]

Three hours, god, hurry up and go faster.

Comments

[fiscal]

[ Okay the good side: she didn't immediately turn it into a death threat against him. Bad side: she didn't go and explicitly say she was joking, relax, Ben, god. ]

...Wanna know what, Andy's not too busy over at Sweetums, I can give him the rest of the day off to come and hang out with you.

[ Either he'll stop her from going nuts or he'll provide an alibi to stop her from getting caught. It's good enough. ]

[assistanting]

Oh, yeah, because I work so hard on it. Thank you so much.

[Most sarcastic preppy tone ever. But then, wait -- her tone shifts. She embraces Janet Snakehole.]

Dangerous, you say?

[assistanting]

What do you want in return?

[shineonyou]

[ TAKES A STEP BACK, HANDS RAISING DEFENSIVELY. PALMS UP, HE COMES IN PEACE. ]

Hey, yo. That wasn't an invitation to... get all dangerous-y at me. Back it up, lady. You can dangerous all you want once I figure out where I'm supposed to go.

[assistanting]

I've always been a dangerous woman, sir, you just hadn't seen it yet! But now you've caught me!

[fiscal]

...Nothing? Wh- I'm not going to barter for you spending time with your husband, god.

[shineonyou]

Shit. What if I told you have I some gum in my pocket? Can I trade you gum for safety?

[assistanting]

[She considers for a moment.]

Yeah, okay.

[assistanting]

Okay, then. I accept.

[shineonyou]

Okay. Sweet. [ He approaches slowly one hand in pocket. ]

No funny business. [ Places a stick of gum very slowly onto her desk. Slowly backs up, palms up. ]

It's that fancy 5 brand-- Cinnamon, sugar. Make sure to brush your teeth tonight, or else you'll end up with cavities. Can't help you if that happens.

[fiscal]

I'd hope so, considering he's your. Husband.

[ He's so confused. ]

[assistanting]

Are you sure you don't need him?

[assistanting]

[she takes the gum package and promptly takes out a piece to eat it. today is already looking up.]

So, okay, hi, I'm April. I'm your boss now welcome to parks & rec.

[shineonyou]

What. There's no way you're my boss. Isn't it usually middle-aged bald dudes who run stuff like this?

[assistanting]

Do I look like a middle-aged bald dude?

[shineonyou]

[ shrug ]

Make-up can do miracles, y'know.

[assistanting]

Then I guess you'll never know.

[fiscal]

Think I can manage without him a while. Unless you'd rather I stick around and. Uh, hang out with you.

[ Come on, this isn't even a choice, April. ]

[assistanting]

No thanks.

[shineonyou]

Jeez. [ sigh. ]

If you're really my boss, I'm just gonna state this for the record-- The gum was not a bribe. It was a peace offering. I'm a good, law abiding citizen, yeah?

[assistanting]

Of course.

[fiscal]

[ Oh, thank god. ]

Then I'll call him after lunch, or. Actually, I should call him now and then hopefully he'll get here eventually.

[assistanting]

Good idea.

[fiscal]

Thanks for the ringing endorsement.

[shineonyou]

Don't try to corrupt me with your sarcasm, ma'am. It ain't gonna work.