location: city hall

[assistanting]

[Everyone from your city hall's parks and recreation department has some Really Important Thing to do that isn't being in the office right now, leaving former-intern-now-paid-employee April Ludgate to handle all of your ridiculous complaints, questions, and concerns about the parks system in your city.

Joy.

Maybe no one will actually bother her in this entire block of time.]

Three hours, god, hurry up and go faster.

Comments

[assistanting]

Do I look like a middle-aged bald dude?

[shineonyou]

[ shrug ]

Make-up can do miracles, y'know.

[assistanting]

Then I guess you'll never know.

[shineonyou]

Jeez. [ sigh. ]

If you're really my boss, I'm just gonna state this for the record-- The gum was not a bribe. It was a peace offering. I'm a good, law abiding citizen, yeah?

[assistanting]

Of course.

[shineonyou]

Don't try to corrupt me with your sarcasm, ma'am. It ain't gonna work.

[assistanting]

Yeah, let me change myself completely for a new volunteer.

[shineonyou]

[ !!! The iron will of a battle-hardened tyrant...! ]

Man, why do I get the feeling that working for you is going to be the most hardcore experience of my life?

...Whatever. [ Dramatic salute. ]

Volunteer Jonas Brothers officially reporting for duty, boss!

[assistanting]

[she just starts laughing.]

[shineonyou]

[ he understands instantly ]

I was Jonas Brothers before that shitty band ever existed.

[assistanting]

Of course.

[shineonyou]

Just call me JoJo.

[assistanting]

Jojo it is, then.

[shineonyou]

Real glad we got that cleared up. Now, what do you need me to do? Since I'm here to work, after all.

[assistanting]

I need you to fill out a stack of pointless paperwork and deny every request.

[she slides the paperwork towards him.]

[shineonyou]

Yeah, okay. I can do that.

[ He takes the papers, flipping through a few of them before pausing. ]

Hey, hey, wait a sec. Some of these seem kinda important? Like... Trees are important to you guys, right? Gotta protect that shit-- go green and all.

[assistanting]

Well, if the government had any money then maybe we could plant some trees.

[shineonyou]

... That's... A good point, I guess. [ shrug ]

You guys ever try any fund raisers? Like baking cakes for money? It's pretty effective, you know. Nothing can deny people their sweets, not even donating to a lost cause.

[assistanting]

What can I say, people here don't care about parks. Or dogs. Or nice things.

[shineonyou]

What about muggings? Not that I'm suggesting your department institute mugging as a policy, especially not on my first day here. ...But.

Yeah. [ He's totally suggesting instituting a department wide policy of mugging people for trees. ]

[assistanting]

I like you already.

[She points at Jerry]

Mug him.

[shineonyou]

[ shrug ]

This is a two-man job. I'm gonna need a distraction, yo.

[assistanting]

What kind of distraction?

[shineonyou]

I'm not asking for anything Oceans 11-y. Something more Scooby Doo, if you catch my meaning.

[assistanting]

[Very loudly, pointing off in another direction.]

Jerry, look, a distraction!

[Jerry, being Jerry, jumps up.]