location: city hall

[assistanting]

[Everyone from your city hall's parks and recreation department has some Really Important Thing to do that isn't being in the office right now, leaving former-intern-now-paid-employee April Ludgate to handle all of your ridiculous complaints, questions, and concerns about the parks system in your city.

Joy.

Maybe no one will actually bother her in this entire block of time.]

Three hours, god, hurry up and go faster.

Comments

[quiteliterally]

April Ludgate. [ pointing! ] There you are. Are you taking questions today? How delightful.

[assistanting]

Chris Traeger. [most unenthused point ever] Yeah, totally, what can I help you with, good sir? Is there a pothole in front of your house? Because that'll be fixed never.

[quiteliterally]

Lucky for me, there is no pothole. But I did come here to ask your help on something.

If you're busy, though, I understand completely. Though - you would get to leave the office.

[assistanting]

I don't know, Chris, I'm doing Very Important work here, Leslie said "don't leave under any circumstances, the fate of the Parks Department depends on you April."

[beat]

So, yeah, I guess it's not that important. What do you need?

[quiteliterally]

Leslie Knope does love a good hyperbole. [ a little smile. ] As do I.

But this is Very Important, I promise. [ it's not. ] Will you accompany me to one of our lovely parks? I need your extremely valuable input and fantastically unique point of view.

[assistanting]

You want me to go outside to a park? Gross.

What's in it for me?

[quiteliterally]

It is a beautiful day, April. I believe you suffer from a lack of Vitamin D. [ he pulls a giant capsule from his pocket. ] Would you like some of mine?

--That isn't all that's in it for you. I'll treat you to the most absurdly delicious juice in all of Pawnee. I made it myself, from kelp and walnut pulp as a base. Then it is layered with strawberries, bananas, blackberries, kale and spinach. It's absurd.

[assistanting]

[...]

That's not worth escaping.

[quiteliterally]

Alright. [ he puts his hands on his hips. ] What do you want, then? Just name it.

[ he'll regret this. ]

[assistanting]

Murder Ben.

[quiteliterally]

[ there are crickets for a moment like - chris just stares at her. r u 4 real qrl? but then he's laughing! ] What a funny joke, April.

Will you come with me now?

[assistanting]

[She laughs too. Totally a joke. Definitely. 100%.]

Okay, fine.