location: city hall

[assistanting]

[Everyone from your city hall's parks and recreation department has some Really Important Thing to do that isn't being in the office right now, leaving former-intern-now-paid-employee April Ludgate to handle all of your ridiculous complaints, questions, and concerns about the parks system in your city.

Joy.

Maybe no one will actually bother her in this entire block of time.]

Three hours, god, hurry up and go faster.

Comments

[shineonyou]

Yeah, okay. I can do that.

[ He takes the papers, flipping through a few of them before pausing. ]

Hey, hey, wait a sec. Some of these seem kinda important? Like... Trees are important to you guys, right? Gotta protect that shit-- go green and all.

[assistanting]

Well, if the government had any money then maybe we could plant some trees.

[shineonyou]

... That's... A good point, I guess. [ shrug ]

You guys ever try any fund raisers? Like baking cakes for money? It's pretty effective, you know. Nothing can deny people their sweets, not even donating to a lost cause.

[assistanting]

What can I say, people here don't care about parks. Or dogs. Or nice things.

[shineonyou]

What about muggings? Not that I'm suggesting your department institute mugging as a policy, especially not on my first day here. ...But.

Yeah. [ He's totally suggesting instituting a department wide policy of mugging people for trees. ]

[assistanting]

I like you already.

[She points at Jerry]

Mug him.

[shineonyou]

[ shrug ]

This is a two-man job. I'm gonna need a distraction, yo.

[assistanting]

What kind of distraction?

[shineonyou]

I'm not asking for anything Oceans 11-y. Something more Scooby Doo, if you catch my meaning.

[assistanting]

[Very loudly, pointing off in another direction.]

Jerry, look, a distraction!

[Jerry, being Jerry, jumps up.]

[shineonyou]

[ JoJo just stands there, blank-faced for about .03 seconds before bursting out laughing. He immediately stops as soon as he starts. ]

There is no way in hell I'm going to jail over some trees and fountains, lady. Did you seriously think I was gonna mug him?!

[assistanting]

You're fired.

[shineonyou]

W-Wait, isn't that like-- Extortion or-- or slander?! Damn, I don't watch enough Law and Order. There's some kinda legal term for the shit you just pulled!

[assistanting]

How are you going to prove it?

[shineonyou]

[ uh ]

[assistanting]

Yeah.

[shineonyou]

Please don't fire me...?

[assistanting]

I'll take it under consideration.

[shineonyou]

Pretty please?

[assistanting]

Fine. You can stay.

[shineonyou]

Can I stay without breaking the law?

[assistanting]

[heavy sigh]

I guess so.

[shineonyou]

[ TEARY EYED?? MAYBE?? ]

Thank you.

[assistanting]

You're welcome.

[shineonyou]

Okay, but legit though-- I just deny all these requests and shit? [ he holds up the forms from before ]

Do I need to get a secondary opinion from someone who isn't you?

... No offense to your opinions, ma'am.