location: city hall

[assistanting]

[Everyone from your city hall's parks and recreation department has some Really Important Thing to do that isn't being in the office right now, leaving former-intern-now-paid-employee April Ludgate to handle all of your ridiculous complaints, questions, and concerns about the parks system in your city.

Joy.

Maybe no one will actually bother her in this entire block of time.]

Three hours, god, hurry up and go faster.

Comments

[fiscal]

Leslie said you were manning the fort.

[ It's your favorite ex-roommate, April. And today he's feeling generous because he's brought you lunch — from the Sweetums expense account. Yes, Andy had really good ideas about cutting the fat but he's not going to forget about on demand oyster bars and fondue carts and. It's really delicious, all right. He doesn't splurge that much, it's okay. And it's for someone else so even more in the clear. ]

But I haven't heard anything on the radio about burning parks, so good going so far.

[assistanting]

[oh wow ben is being nice???]

I didn't hear about the sky falling either.

[in other words, thank you]

[fiscal]

[ He can be nice, sometimes. There is more to Ben Wyatt than nerd trivia, deadpan sarcasm, and an affinity for accounting. (There's also copious booty-shaking but that's just for Leslie.) There's also a nice guy. And he likes April only slightly less than she terrifies him. ]

Eh, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be held accountable for that. Skies aren't strictly a parks' issue.

[assistanting]

That'd probably have to go straight to the city manager.

[fiscal]

Chris can handle that, no problem.

[ He was able to handle not-low-fat eggnog without losing his mind; falling skies are nothing compared to that. ]

So how's it been, handling the whirlwind activity of the Parks and Recreation Department.

[ There's the sound of crickets in the background. Well, it's either crickets, raccoons, or Jerry spilling something on himself. Even odds. ]

[assistanting]

Oh, you know, totally fun.

[fiscal]

Well, I didn't hear any crying so I couldn't know for sure.

[assistanting]

Well I haven't murdered anyone yet.

[fiscal]

The day's not over yet.

[ The joke is trying way too hard because oh dear god, please, please, please let April be joking. ]

[assistanting]

Fact.

[fiscal]

[ Okay the good side: she didn't immediately turn it into a death threat against him. Bad side: she didn't go and explicitly say she was joking, relax, Ben, god. ]

...Wanna know what, Andy's not too busy over at Sweetums, I can give him the rest of the day off to come and hang out with you.

[ Either he'll stop her from going nuts or he'll provide an alibi to stop her from getting caught. It's good enough. ]

[assistanting]

What do you want in return?

[fiscal]

...Nothing? Wh- I'm not going to barter for you spending time with your husband, god.

[assistanting]

Okay, then. I accept.

[fiscal]

I'd hope so, considering he's your. Husband.

[ He's so confused. ]

[assistanting]

Are you sure you don't need him?

[fiscal]

Think I can manage without him a while. Unless you'd rather I stick around and. Uh, hang out with you.

[ Come on, this isn't even a choice, April. ]

[assistanting]

No thanks.

[fiscal]

[ Oh, thank god. ]

Then I'll call him after lunch, or. Actually, I should call him now and then hopefully he'll get here eventually.

[assistanting]

Good idea.

[fiscal]

Thanks for the ringing endorsement.

[assistanting]

Anytime, Ben. It's my specialty.

[fiscal]

Well, I figured it was either your undying cheerfulness or your uncanny way of threatening interns with bodily harm.

[assistanting]

I'm a girl of many talents.

[fiscal]

Some of which are honestly more than a little scary, yeah.